Monday, October 18, 2010

How to Tell You Are a Nosy Busybody


Here’s a quick quiz to tell if you belong to that aggravating tribe that suffers from the chronic inability to mind their own business.

Situation #1: There’s a clearly 18-year-old girl standing at the bus stop sporting rings on her toes. You:
A. Think she has pretty feet and that it’s probably time you got a pedicure yourself.
B. Ask her whether she is married. When she says she isn’t, you scowl and look accusingly at her ringed toes.
(+ 10 if you lecture her on how only married women in India must wear toe rings)

#2: There’s a garden party on at your neighbour’s house. You:
A. Peek over the wall, wonder what the occasion is but say no more.
B. Hang your head over the wall, supply minute-by-minute updates on who is at the party, what is being served, what style of clothing is being flaunted and so on
(+10 if you telephone your neighbour to ask what is going on and shamelessly wangle an invite for you, your family, your son’s classmate’s ailing grandmother, her incontinent cousin etc)

#3: Your colleague opens up her lunch box. You spy cheese and deep-fried goodies. You:
A. Say “Oh, yum!” and go back to your “feast” comprising of two peas and a carrot.
B. Give her a lecture on what a terrible diet she has, the effects of cholesterol, the advantages of eating two peas and a carrot.
(+10 if you supply a calorie count for each item in her lunch box, +2000 if you call her fat, +3000 if you aren’t exactly a poster child for health & fitness yourself)

#4: You hear that a couple has gotten a divorce recently. You:
A. Go “tsk, tsk”, make some expression of sympathy and shrug it off with a “C’est la vie. It is probably better this way.”
B. Exhaust every contact you might have to find out what went wrong, speculating over “obvious reasons” like did he cheat, was she “too dominating”, was it the in-laws?
(+10 if you are judgmental enough to say how frivolous youngsters these days are for walking out of a marriage without suffering it through for the rest of their lives unlike the good old days)

#5: There’s a couple stranded on the road; the guy busy changing a flat tyre: You:
A. Offer to lend a helping hand or go “Tsk, tsk” and carry on.
B. Stand around scratching your arse, offering advice on the best way to do things or sniggering at the stranded duo.
(+10 if you ogle the female occupants of the car and +200 if you then scratch other parts of your anatomy)

#6: You see a car stopped next to a toppled scooter. You:
A. Wonder what happened but carry on since it really isn’t any of your business.
B. Stop, gape and automatically assume the lady driver knocked the scooter over.
(+10 if you give the driver, whom you instantly presume must be guilty, a lecture on the cardinal sin of not knowing the local language.)

#7: You’re regularly checking on my blog because you:
A. Think it’s a decent read or “time pass”
B. Think it’s the best way to keep tabs on yours truly, providing you enough dirt for your next gossip session with the rest of your group of jobless busybodies
(+10 if you have texted/Facebooked/emailed me asking who/what I was referring to.)

#8: You’re reading this post and thinking:
A. Haha! Right on! You tell ‘em, girl!
B. Oh, my god, is the b*t** referring to me?
(+10 if you’re thinking “I wonder who she is referring to? Let me text/Facebook/email her and see.”)

Scoring:
Mostly As: You are one of a dying breed. It would be lovely to catch up over a cup of coffee some time. Text/Facebook/email me.
Mostly Bs: As BC says, you are appallingly “downmarket”. Remember to carve that on your epitaph before hurling yourself before the nearest speeding bus and doing us all one big favour.

16 comments:

  1. I'm A, I'm A, I'm A!!!!! Finally get A in something!!!!

    What a laugh riot, I say!!!!

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  2. Well now i know exactly who can be the head for my blogger meetups.... Real nice blog u got here lady....No wonder FB is such a drab for u...

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  3. Damn, A. And also garden party thing - I wouldn't even peek. Does that mean I lose more points?
    Sigh. When's the coffee meet?
    Hilarious post!

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  4. What is the difference between a Peeping Tom and someone who's just got out of the bath?

    One is rude and nosy, and the other's nude and rosy.

    ~~~Type A aka Nude & Rosy~~~ ;-)

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  5. Hey says Terror # 1...I am entitled to a coffee... The fact that I'm all A's including the name actually makes me entitled for a coffee and a beer...Being a fan of BC's wonderfully worded comments, I hv to agree about the downmarket term...Basically Blah you tell 'em girl...

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  6. @I, Me, Myself & Bhumika: Dial the digits, dollies!

    @Chaggoholic: Completed an "analysis" of this blog yet (as opposed to drab old FB)? ;)

    @Kaotic: Good, good. We're still thinking wedding themes, eh? Heh!

    @Anu: Stop peeking, get updating, you louse!

    @Ajay: You have mastered the art of shameless self-promotion, but yes, there is coffee and beer with your name(s) on it for more than one reason! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Is it me? Is it me? Must be me, has to be all about me!! Not sure ur getting this so let me facebook and mail you too :D

    hahaha, coffee then?;)

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  8. The is the third 'list' post of yours I'm reading today and wondering "Who are these people she's talking about?"

    Especially these ones who apparently stand around scratching their arses all day!

    ReplyDelete
  9. @notgogol: Does that make you an A or a B? :)

    Welcome to my world...sigh!

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  10. No the question is do you buy me coffee if I'm an A? :)

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  11. Why not? :)

    ...oh, wait... would that mean I would feature on your blog as "Misandrist Minx"? :p

    ReplyDelete
  12. A A A A A..... Yeahhhhhh!!

    so, wen are we meetin for a cup of coffee?! :P ;)

    ReplyDelete
  13. @SEPO: As long as we're in the same city at any point, you name the place and time ;)

    P.S. Good to see you back in blogosphere :)

    ReplyDelete

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