Thursday, December 30, 2010

The Multiple Worgasm

I love words. It is as simple as that. Words have been a passion, a refuge, an icebreaker, a relationship maker, a relationship breaker, a reputation creator and wrecker, a way to wheedle my way through life. I take to words in every form; be it a book, a blog, the back of a toothpaste tube, the back of an autorickshaw, rude graffiti on the door of a public toilet or even a well-spoken person.

There are the word bores and the word whores. I loathe them and love them, respectively.

Then there’s that lot of people who automatically assume that if they throw a whole lot of pseudo-intellectual psycho babble at me, it’s going to open doors… in more ways than one. NF, the pompous so-n-so from oh-so-many years ago, springs to mind. He waxed on about the umbra and penumbra of the moon in some kind of poetic verse, oblivious to the fact that my eyes had rolled back into my head. He didn’t even stop when I began to gnaw my way through the plaster on the wall in a desperate bid to get away (or at least imbibe some turpentine to ease the pain). He didn’t even stop when I had left. He probably noticed my empty seat three hours later when a bit of wall plaster fell into his eye and blocked his view of the blasted penumbra or whatever.

“You should find out whether a guy reads PG Wodehouse first before anything else, “ advised Terror #1 as I stifled a guffaw and decided I’d give the young fellow, still green behind the ears et al, a patient listen – if only to humour him.

A few days later, whilst KO, BC and I satisfied a craving for gelato and froyo, we spied a chap seated alone at a neighbouring table reading – you guessed right – PG Wodehouse. KO, who is always ready to pimp her friends out just so that she can have her cheap entertainment (what with the price of movie tickets in this city), began goading me. “Go on,” she whispered with her trademark evil gleam in the eye. I actually considered it for a second.

“KO,” I said pensively, rolling a bit of froyo around in my mouth, taking in the young fella’s ill-fitting beige-and-brown checked bermudas, bright green t-shirt with something that looked suspiciously like Tweety on crack printed on it under a lint-infested cardigan.

“Yes, child?”

“He is terribly chappal-party,” I said, uncharacteristically resorting to a more vulgar vernacular expression as words had suddenly failed me.

For there, peering cheekily at us from under the table, were his horrendous pair of leather flip-flops. You know. The kind that men here seem to embrace with great enthusiasm when they turn 50. Replete with that gargantuan ring custom-made for a gorilla’s big toe.

So much for Wodehouse.

If you’re thinking, “Gee! Judgmental b*!@#”, you’re probably right. But is there any other way to be?

However, Krazy Frog probably described best how I take to words. Although I must caution here that Krazy Frog is terribly prone to exaggeration. He needs to learn to put that bottle of Black Dog down at some point.

I yammered on excitedly about a word someone, who may or may not have caught my fancy, had used. A word long since forgotten by a world that thinks “awesome” and “kewlness” are the only words one needs to know to get by.

“Oh, my god! He used the word ********. Who even uses that nowadays?” I gushed. “Hmm,” said KF, before adding, “You know what?”


“A man does not have to physically pleasure you. All he has to do is keep throwing fancy words at you and you’re done.”

And that, folks, is a “worgasm”.


  1. KO pimps her friends for the sake of cheap entertainment!? Sacrilege!

  2. Hey, I think you should cut them chappal parties come slack. Did you notice the price of those chappals? Fancy schmancy, I say!:p

  3. 1. Quick, which did enjoy better: The American OR The 'Poo Juggles Foolish Virgin and Pot-Head' Series? Huh, huh? I rest my case!

    2. They don't sell/advertise the actual cheapo variety online, pah! Anyway, those "fancy schmancy" chappals are still cheaper than my racy there! :P

  4. I see I get a mention once again...Oh how lovely a comment...BAH...Look at what all I have to do for you...sigh...I'm so sure this is gonna be a topic of one of your future posts....

  5. Smart arse, stop trying to provoke me into writing an entire post dedicated to you, okay :P As if you haven't been mentioned enough already.

    After all the horrible things you did to me as a horrible child (specifically the biting), it is high time you write a nice tribute for me, extolling my (many countless) virtues and all.

    P.S: Okay, I admit I do have one post in draft on my "terrorists", but it might never see the light of day.

  6. I like what KO does and I love those chappals as well.

    P.S. What was the word the said individual used? You know, for general knowledge and all :P

  7. Psst, the sacred word is “subsume”. Trust the pimp on this one! :-)

  8. @NG: Never trust a smiling pimp ;)

    @KO: I will beat you black and blue with NG's much-loved leather chappals :)

  9. Black n Blue, Black n Blue...those bloody colours have come back to haunt me again!

    Fine, go ahead and beat me black n blue but only if those chappals cost Rs. 1,500.00. :p

  10. I'm sure men in fancy-schmancy tights would be willing to shell out the Rs 1,500 for those chappals :P

    Be warned :P

  11. Ah the war of words continues...Oh how I love those words...Black and Blue is the magical hue...BB you can't beat KO up...especially with the wasted Chappals...Even if they cost 1500...

    @BB...I have to take KO's side for a week...Don't want to be turned Black and Blue...But btwn you and me...I take your side...Hehehe...

    @NG...I think the green manty hose and leather chappals might make one hell of a super hero costume...Up up and away Captain NG...

    Oh n just for KO... Muahahahahahahaha

  12. Well said Terror#1.
    Your comment definitely subsumes all that has been said here.


  13. @Terror# 1

    Hey Kid, stop sitting on that “pansy” fence of yours! Be a man. ;-) *Russell Peters voice*

    Btw, the manty-hose-chappal imagery is hilarious.

  14. @Terror: Stop shining in borrowed feathers!

    @NG: Stop hiding behind Terror's diapers. Step out and be a well-chappaled man :P

  15. Ahem ladies...What's gotten your panties in knots?
    @KO...I aint sitting on the fence... I'm not supporting BB for a week and supporting you...I'm not risking the chance of getting spanked (not that I'm complaining)... Then BB gets all my support after that...

    @BB...don't we all shine in the resplendent light of our peers... Where would the joy be if we all basked in our own self proclaimed glory? Also I think NG was commenting to the fact that he could be the world's newest super hero Captain NG...

    @NG... BB gets bugged if pple don't leave nice long comments...esp the kind that she laughs her head off n falls off her chair / bed... So for future reference wen supporting comments made here add your 2 cents or the lady will brutally rip you to shreds...kidding... So NG time for the manty-hose n chappals to come us but mere mortals what Captain NG is made off...

  16. I don't know how I missed this post. The comments are so hilarious. And while - does he read P G Wodehouse - is a good indicator, it doesn't always work. I know. LMHO at racy lingerie.

    Incidentally, there's this debate happening on a friend's wall about how we who don't know grammar are people too, please, so we will continue to read Chetan Bhagat. It's hilarious. I can't seem to shut down my comp.

  17. Whose wall is this? I have to go check it out (and possibly add my humble two-bits worth).

  18. So which words please you the most?

  19. @Anu: I'm surprised you even asked, madam!


    Remember how you would make me keep repeating the word for you? Oh, I think the word pleased you more for whatever reason.

    Muahahaha :D

  20. LOL, of course, did slip my mind :-)

    Yeah, the raw emotion in you every time it was said kept me coming bk for more. hahahahha.


I have an opinion and so should you! Leave your bouquets, brickbats and battle axes here, preferably in a language I can understand. If coyness gets the better of you, then email me (